one true pairing

Malevolence Resurrected

My on/off relationship with facebook is currently on.

There are too many people I want to be connected to.

Just another thing that has changed since I learned to love the world and myself.

club sandwiches

Get Your Leather On

Today I swallow down the pill. Put a foot out, get it wet, take one step at a time, shake it all about and such. Failure is a possibility. Success is more frightening. My life is going to change. And I'm losing my best friend.

I'm going to a 12-step meeting.
one true pairing

(no subject)

my life went crazy in less than a week.

3 am departures, bombs scares in Paris, mentally ill roommate in a filthy unliveable place.. I'm suing someone. Interesting and yet a total pain in the ass.

back at the hostel where I met Raphael. Still miss him. Je commence a zero.. I am starting again. Looking for work, a home, and friends.

No regrets. Montreal is great. It's all really nuts at the moment and I have everything to do and more.

Love my family. Love Raphael. To bits and pieces. Proud of what I have done. I am really bilingual. it is 4 35 am and I am not supposed to be here today..

wtf life, wtf.
one true pairing

Travelling Shoes

I am packing my bags again. We are leaving at 3 in the morning to drive to Paris. My plane leaves Charles De Gaulle at 2 pm. I land in Montréal at 3:45 pm the same day, 6 hours younger.

I feel like I am embarking on another extended vacation. New city, new home. There is no going back to Victoria. There is no "home" anymore. I really miss Montréal and I miss Canada. I am not impatient to be far from Raphaël, though. That is going to hurt my heart a lot.

However things this year have worked out..those planned, those not planned, I would not be anywhere else but where I am right now. I am not facing the pressure of university in a few weeks, and I am relieved for that. I cut ties to my safety net, my 18 year home, BC. I saw Yelle, the Eiffel tower, the Swiss alps with their summer snow. I visited the Louvre and the statue I gave an arm to. I put roses on the grave of Edith Piaf. I fell in love. I can speak another language. And now, I am moving to my dream city.

Not everything was perfectly calculated, or executed in the ideal. But I got up and moved and that is the important thing.





one true pairing


Switzerland is absolutely beautiful. PARIS made me insane..impossible to turn your head and not see something else incredible, historic, ornate, glorious. Seriously overstimulating. Would never ever ever live there. The pollution, the vendors at the Eiffel tower, the army is everywhere with guns. People smoke and drink all over the place. In all cars homes restaurants, beers on the streets.

R has done everything for me. From the get go.. limo at the airport, hotel du Louvre, even stocking candy, tea, and chips for me alongside a big sack of cannibis in my bedside table. I have a credit card, a cell phone, a job, a Volkswagon.. and most most most importantly, practically a new family. His baby sister wanted to have a dinner party our first night in town although we arrived at midnight. The next day, we were obliged to meet the fam for coffee, and his mother and two sisters stole me for the entire afternoon. We went flower shopping. Several different stores. Just for flowers. Ugh. but the ladies were really funny and I know Raphael better for spending that time with them.

His friends, family, even his bosses (he has like a billion jobs.. rec centre, security at festivals and concerts, and bartender, plus the day job as an insurance assesment guy in charge of a few workers or ouvriers)..they make me feel welcome. The gorgeous wife of the owner of the gym gave me a free membership and I might do the spin class there. She is Korean, blonde, French speaking, extremely nice, smiling warmly at me always. Instant crush.

When I wake up, I am surrounded by huge mountains with snow and tiny villages with tiny schoolhouses and large beautiful churches. The mountainside closer to town is covered in vineyards, all over. Beer is as expensive as a coke or a coffee. The coffee, speaking of which, is way way strong, loaded with cream, and served in an espresso style cup. It is different than it was even in France.

This is easily the best and happiest time of my life, thus far, and possibly ever, save for the day I marry or have children yadda yadda.

I am so proud to understand my surroundings and speak to others without needing R all the time. Some people did not know that I was not a francophone, or that Canada is not totally French. I guess Switzerland has a good rapport with Quebec, and many people study in one and then come to work in the other, especially teachers and nurses.

I feel nearly like I am stealing it all. Everything I am given is undeserved. I did not at all do my best in school. I was too excited about the prizes I knew were coming. Whether my dedication lapse carries consequences for me in Quebec, I have yet to learn, mais en tout cas, ca va aller.

Victoria saw me through a lot of bad times. I guess I left there with no plans to return, and the feeling that there was nothing left for me. I kind of played in that sandbox until I wore it out to death. This is not going to be a permanent place for me, but already I am renewed. It is all fresh and clean, and I have yet to soil the bed where I sleep (not literally true, period arrived on day one thanks much). Raphael is very much a man and grown up, maybe because he had to at a young age. I dont think I could work as hard as he does, and maybe that is where the undeserving notion stems from. The wonderful thing is that I have all the opportunity in the world to change myself here. I can be better, he makes me better in small ways.. like I have to wash the dishes immediately instead of the next day right away in the morning like I usually would. But in bigger ways, attitude towards others, towards life, I can change. R is not greedy because he says all he has could be gone the next day, so that which he reaps is to be enjoyed and shared without resentment or concern.

I sort of see the adult me coming. I want to hit the brakes and revert to 18, but I want also to greet my blessings, my future, my responsibilities with openness and gratitude. The good Lord knows I have so much more than I deserve or need, and I must not ever take that for granted. So the Woman Katrina, I both fear and embrace you. I think you are someone I want to become..but I want to meet you and get a sense of you first.

PS thank you God for filling the world with so many variations of natural beauty. I cannot see this enormous valley of mountains without remembering the architect and how powerful his hands must be. praise praise praise.

Love to everyone. I wish all those that I care for could have an experience like this, of learning and discovery about the world and oneself.
one true pairing

French Music

in other news,

I discovered two bands I like so far, from, of all places, the Hills.

YELLE is a singer from Bretagne.

I think the remix of "A cause des garcons" is actually better :O
Her song "Je veux te voir" was in Entourage when they go to Cannes, as well.
She does electronic/pop music. Raph is bringing me her CD when he comes. :D
She's pretty like Feist, without the extra vertical acreage on her face.

MC Solaar is ancient! He was born in Senegal. He's got eight albums out already. I listened to "Chapitre 7", his latest (and eighth! :D), this morning. It's good, but it does not feature "La Belle et Le Bad Boy" which was on that episode of The Hills.
MC Solaar is, of course a rapper.
It seems like my attraction to French language negates my ear elitism for music with REAL drums vs canned, and I don't know, GUITARS.

MC Solaar says: don't bogart the joint

Good allah, I'm trying to find these good French artists, because I really think Raphael, Mr. I was a house DJ for 12 years, has very shitty taste in music. If you know anymore, shoot!
one true pairing

Demain, dès l'aube (Victor Hugo)

Demain, dès l'aube, à l'heure où blanchit la campagne,
Je partirai. Vois-tu, je sais que tu m'attends.
J'irai par la forêt, j'irai par la montagne.
Je ne puis demeurer loin de toi plus longtemps.

Je marcherai les yeux fixés sur mes pensées,
Sans rien voir au dehors, sans entendre aucun bruit,
Seul, inconnu, le dos courbé, les mains croisées,
Triste, et le jour pour moi sera comme la nuit.

Je ne regarderai ni l'or du soir qui tombe,
Ni les voiles au loin descendant vers Harfleur,
Et quand j'arriverai, je mettrai sur ta tombe
Un bouquet de houx vert et de bruyère en fleur.

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one true pairing

(no subject)

Matchbox Twenty and Alanis Morrisette are playing a concert in Vancouver together?

I assume they've perfected the time machine and are planning on setting it back to twelve years ago. People wouldn't buy tickets otherwise, right?